The Worst

What do you think is the worst haircut/style ever? The mullet, rat tail, perm, bowl, Mohawk?? SOOO many unfortunate styles to choose from! My "favorite" worst haircut is....The shaved head with only bangs in front..!!!!! Who does this to their kids?? And why do kids allow this to be done to them? It is just so sad that anyone could wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, see only the bangs as the long part and think, "hey I look gooood". They must not be sane or maybe they are blind. It makes me want to attack them with my clippers when they are asleep. It is like they forgot to finish cutting their hair. I'm just saving the rest for later. And what about the tan line they are getting from that horrible haircut? I am embarrassed for them. And saddened. And I will suggest a different haircut for them. This is why I think I should carry my shears around with me at all times. Righting the wrongs of the Midwest hairstyles. I would be doing a public service and they would thank me later, I am sure!
The DOC

Smile

I once had a boss who always told me, "Smile when you answer the phone". Hmm, they can't see me so why should I smile? I never did it and never really thought about it until work this weekend when a coworker said the same thing. I tried it, and it does work. I think I felt so goofy smiling for a person who can not see nor will ever know that I was, that it made me kinda of laugh and have a good attitude. The positiveness was short lived though, they asked if they could place an order for delivery. Wrong number lady.

Tips

• Say Thank You every once in awhile. The people serving you are usually on their feet all day long and being treated like they aren’t human. A thank you from someone can really make a day better.
• We don’t care if you can’t find what you are looking for. We don’t have a factory to make it for you. We smile and say we are sorry. Because we are but we can’t change the fact if we don’t have the toy your kid has to have right now and its not going to ruin our day. So quite screaming.
• If you sign a lay-a-way contract and people have repeatably tried to get a hold of you. Do not threaten to sue us because you lost your money since you couldn’t figure out how to use a phone to explain a situation. They’ve been around since the mid-1800s, I’m sure you are THAT old.
• Scream at me all you want, all you are doing is pissing me off and making me less likely to actually help you. If it continues, you will be asked to leave the premises due to the harassment.
• If the policy says no refund - it means no refund. Not no refund except for you. Seriously, read the fine print or listen.
• We don’t have one on one service in most stores, realize that there are other customers that need to be taken care of other then you. We will do our best but on a good day its 1 worker to 3 customers, on a bad day or sale/holiday season its 1 worker to about 10 customers. Its kinda hard to be glued to your side the entire time. Please understand we want to help you as much as possible. And we will if your not rude.
  
• If you are having a hard time shopping during the holiday season do not take it out on the employees of the store. Most likely you aren’t the only one having a bad day and that employee you are screaming at has had to deal with your bad day and everyone elses. Use the holiday spirit and show some kindness by understand that your bad day is nothing compared to the person you treat like crap. If you are nice to them - they will be better to you and help you more then someone who is making them want to jump in front of a bus because the sweater isn’t in your size.
• Karma happens - seriously. And if you aren’t into that… do unto others. Its the Golden Rule for a reason. What else - what goes around, comes around. Blah blah blah….
• Another holiday tip - everyone deserves to be happy during the holidays, even those who don’t celebrate it. But working retail usually makes most retail workers dread it… give the gift of kindness. I am saying it again for a reason.
• Do not lie to us, we aren’t stupid. We know lies when we hear them since we hear those and more then enough excuses for the entire senior class to use to play hookie everyday of the year. Seriously, look down on us all you want - we aren’t dumb because we work retail. We work retail because we want to.
• If you break something do not hide it and leave the store. Pay for it! If you don’t its the same as stealing something. It is theft, that thing is now unsellable and will be thrown away. Money out the door.

• If you see someone shop lifting - tell a sales person so they can handle the situatioin. You are as guilty as someone else if you see a crime being commited and don’t do something to correct the situation. At least in my eyes. Would you turn a blind eye on someone who was beating the life out of a child or robbing a bank? No… a crime is a crime. Make the world slightly better and be a person who helps instead of ignores.

*Just some helpful tips for your next interaction with retail workers*

Picture Perfect Bride?

Going to Beauty School you see a lot of "different" types of people and personal styles. The most interesting client were brides and their bridal parties. My favorite was Nikki. Oh Nikki, she was a treat. She was marrying a man named LaShawn who she had a child with named LaShawndra. She sits down in my chair, hair oily and up in a messy bun. She takes it down and shows me the full ratty glory of her orange red hair. She hands me her "veil" if you even want to call it that. It was a piece of deep red tole..the lack of class has just begun. This veil was so crusted with rhinestones and metallic silver thread patterns that you couldn't look at it for too long or you would be blinded. It attached to a crown, LaShawn called her "his queen", so it only fit. The best part of the entire veil was that because it only went to her lower back, she attached cheap white ribbon to make it flow longer. Honestly, that alone would be enough to make me gag, but then she explained how she wanted her hair done. She had dreamed of her hair being in cornrows. Cornrows for her wedding? Sick. Unfortunately, I know how to do cornrows. So, I did itty bitty cornrows and then little tight twists. I curled up the entire back and pinned it. Then to finish the style, she handed me rhinestones to attach in her hair. It was without a doubt the most tacky up-do I have ever done, but she loved it. She went on and on about how beautiful it was. It was going to match her dress perfectly. Oh, the dress was white with deep red accents and rhinestones. Who does that? But, where I had to draw the line is when she asked me to put makeup on her 9 month year old baby. Um no. Please leave. I quit.

Hands off the Merchandise

You are gonna love this one!
A co-worker, lets call her Cali, told me this story the other day. I unfortunately was not able to see this, but I did hear her yelling from across the store.

It was on a Sunday, and Sue was there with me. This typical Wisconsinite mother came up to the counter: curly, permed, bouffant hair, ghetto fake nails, pancake makeup...with New Balance tennis shoes and a turtleneck under a crew sweater.

She had purchased a robe in November of last year and wanted a refund on it- the receipt read that she had used a H* (store credit card). I asked for her card, and she said, "I paid for that in cash,"

"No, the receipt says 'H* Charge card,"

"Well, I want cash for it."

"I am sorry, our policy is to return the item back to the card."

...

I was busy processing the return, and she interrupted me.

"Well, then what the Hell happens if it is a zero balance?"

"The company will issue you a check based on the credit to your account."

She said nothing further, I gave her the receipt, and she went on her way.

...

About five minutes later, she came back.

"I want to speak to a manager."

"About what?"

"Does it matter? I want a manager."

"Yes it matters, if I can fix it."

"I want store credit. I talked to someone down there, and she said I could have store credit if I didn't have a card or receipt."

"Ma'am, you had the receipt. And you put it on a charge."

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ALL OF MY OPTIONS."

"No one has ever wanted a merchandise credit in place of the money being accredited back to the account!"

"Well, I want store credit."

This went back and forth for a few rounds, and I was steadily loosing my temper more and more. Sue tried to step in because of how bad she was yelling at me, and at one point, after explaining our policy for a third time, I took off my glasses and looked down at the counter.

She reached across the counter with her nasty-ass fucking nails, and grabbed me by the collar, propped my face up, and said, "Look at me," in a really shitty tone.

I lost my cool. I took a step back, help up my hand, and said, "Ma'am, you need to calm the fuck down."

I got Sue to post void the transaction.
Gave her a store credit (which she could only spend in the store, instead of getting a check issued to her by the company which she could deposit and spend as she wished).
Told her in the most monotone voice I could muster, "You have a nice day."

*Oh retail..what a joy..and on the Day of the Lord..

Thanks!

Hey all! Thanks for the comments!
*I should of told the crazy that I knew her husband, but I didn't even want to talk to her because I was so disgusted by her. I wish she would of been drunk because then I could of just laughed it off and thought she was exaggerating or something, but I was more saddened for her lame life. Nothing as out of the blue has happened to me again, but then again I don't do hair in a salon anymore. Thank god!

Awkward

It takes a lot to make me feel awkward, but one lady managed to in about 15 seconds. She sits down in my chair and says, "Make me look hot! I've got a big date with my "lover" tonight". Okay, so color, cut, style? "Everything, my husband doesn't like when I change my hair, but my "lover" does." Oh god, why did I even ask. She then goes on to explain that she has been married for 12 years and has 2 sons. She has been with "this" lover for 2 years. Yes, "this" lover there has been previous ones and there will be more, I was assured. Thanks, I was worried. Oh, and one of her sons might not be her husbands but a "lovers", whom he is named after. Okay, so I am not asking any questions about her personal life, but trying to change the subject to her hair or the weather or anything else that does not require her to use the word "lover" anymore. I put the foils in her hair, set the timer, and walk away because I need a break. I come back to wash out her hair and start to cut. She asks me if I have a boyfriend and so on. I tell her yes and she then tells me I should cheat on him. I am shocked and before I can say anything else, she tells me where her and her "lover" meet, go to dinner, shop, and everything else. I turn on the blow dryer. She talks louder. I style her, ring her up, and hoped I would never see her again. I charged her extra because I felt like a therapist and it made me feel better for putting up with her. Thank god I graduated a month later and did not tell school what salon I worked at in case she tried to find me. Honestly, what if I would of known her husband or her "lover". It was like she was proud of what she was doing and didn't care if she got caught. I don't get why she would tell all of this to me, a complete stranger who could of been related to a "lover", I knew her last name and could of told her husband (who is probably just as insane since he married her) or maybe she was just crazy.
This is why I am the...tHAIRpist